Never Get Lost Again

My son R.J. is a really smart kid, I know all parents say that, but he really is.  Yet sometimes, he does things that leave me scratching my head.  Three weeks ago, R.J. was in downtown Oklahoma City pulling permits for an upcoming project our construction company, Divirsus is getting ready to start. 

Pulling permits isn't normally his job, but he was the only one available and since he was getting ready to start college he could use the cash.  Downtown Oklahoma City is only about 30 minutes from the office and pulling permits shouldn't take more than an hour.  So after about 2 hours I called R.J. to see how much longer he was going to be and he told me he hadn't even made it to the clerk's office yet!  

When I questioned him, he said he was walking around downtown looking for the building.  I said "Are you using your phone's GPS?" Long Pause.  Then, " I will as soon as I hang up with you." 

As I shook my head and wondered how could he have missed such an obvious solution, I realized that that's true of all of us sometimes isn't it?  We think we know where we are going, we think we have a clear objective in mind and somehow we end up turning in circles and have no idea where we are, how we got there or how to get out.  

What do you do when you face the realization that what you thought you knew, you really didn't? 

How do you get on the right path when the wrong one felt right in the moment?

Do you pull out the gps and make adjustments on the fly, or do you keep walking down the path even though  you know its the wrong one for you? 

In my experience most people keep walking down the wrong path because they haven't sat down in the middle of their life's highway and had an honest conversation with themselves about what they want, who they want to be and how they want to get there.  

As I travel all over speaking,  I hear people say, "When the kids grow up..." (You might be dead), or "Someday..." (You still might be dead) or " I can't because..." (Again, still dead.) 

So, if the only thing you can be sure of is that death is inevitable what are you doing today to make your tomorrow amazing?  Or what are you doing today to make your today amazing?  

Communicating with yourself in an fearless, honest,  take no prisoners approach is the single best gift you can give yourself and the people you care about.  It's also the scariest. 

 If you don't know what you want to be when you grow up, isn't it time you did?

When would NOW be a good time?  

Get a mentor, find a mastermind, pick someone more successful than you are and take them to lunch, or dinner, offer to drop them off or pick them up from the airport so you can tap into their brilliance.   

Remember, everyone has an agenda, even you. 

The ones that love you the most, are the ones that are afraid if you grow away from them you will leave them behind.  Get over it.  

Give them your attention when they talk, be conscious in your thoughts, brutally honest in your analysis and never take advice from someone who doesn't have to live with consequences.

Feel free to make some public declarations below, hold yourself accountable.  What are you going to do today that's going to create the tomorrow you deserve?

Seanlai Cochrane is a communication expert who works with leaders who want to play like a PRO and keep their talent, grow profits, and power by the competition.  

Want to hire Seanlai to speak at your next event?  Call her at 405-314-8716 fax 405-471.5646, 

email: seanlaic@gmail.com

Connect with Seanlai on Linkedin or twitter @seanlaic 

3 Secret Antitoxins for the Toxic People Around You

I have just finished reading my friend Randy Gage's book Why You're DUMB, SICK & BROKE and  How to Get SMART, HEALTHY & RICH (I HIGHLY recommend it! [get it here]) and in it, he introduced the concept of  "mind viruses".  What Gage teaches us is that we get infected by mind viruses that limit our prosperity by the news media, Hollywood and our day to day contact with people (even people that love us).  We are bombarded with negative imagery, words and toxicicty so fast, we are infected before we even know what happened.  

Exposure to prosperity infection is not that different from exposure to communication infection.  The quality of our lives and our relationships is a direct reflection of the way we talk to ourselves, the way we treat ourselves, and the way we beat up on ourselves. External infection exposure is something we can reduce but not completely remove unless you want to live on a deserted island, in a bubble, and sing the happy song every day.  Internal infection exposure however, is something we have complete control of.  

Most people really want great relationships at work, at home and in their friendships.  But, if you are internalizing infection and owning the space, then just like the flu, you are guaranteed to spread the infection and give it to the people you love. 

What do we do? What's the antitoxin? 

1. Grow your language pallet. Language shapes experiences. Experiences shape the quality of our lives.  Find other ways to say things and you will find other experiences manifesting. Start by changing your language.  If you say someone is a "Jerk" then he is, if you say, "Maybe I don't have all the information" then your brain says, maybe you just don't have all the information and you'll approach the situation from a gentler, more open space. 

2.  Listen, Listen, Listen then Decide, Decide, Decide.  Listen to what the media and other people are saying to you and around you and then Decide what it means for you.  Is it useful or useless?  The number one mistake people make is if they don't agree with what someone says, they either internalize it and manifest it, or they get defensive and argue about it.  Either way, no one wins.

3.  Treat yourself like someone you love.  If you talked to other people the way you talked to you, would you be friends with you?  Would you let someone act the way you are acting towards your child? Would you sit and let someone beat up on your spouse? NO? Then why would you treat yourself that way? 

My area of expertise is communication and just like charity, communication begins at home.  Start paying attention to your internal dialogue, the same nervous system that beat you up can be trained to build you and the people around you up, too.  

Do you use any of these communication antitoxins in your daily workflow? Feel free to brag about your success in the comments!

Seanlai Cochrane works with leaders who want to play like a PRO and keep their talent, grow profits, and power by the competition.  

Want to hire Seanlai to speak at your next event?  Call her at 405-314-8716 fax 405-471.5646, 

email: seanlaic@gmail.com

Connect with Seanlai on Linkedin or twitter @seanlaic 

Are you a Big Thinker?

My beautiful black car was filthy from driving cross country, so thanks to YELP, I found Troy's Detailing was close and had the best reviews.  I pulled up expecting to see a brick and mortar business and what I saw was one of those self service car washes that has multiple bays where you pay quarters to get soap and water.  

I thought to myself, is this some kind of joke? And that's when I saw at the far end of the open bays was a vinyl sign that said Troy's Detailing $12.00.  

I drove over and was met by the three guys there and about an hour later, they returned my car to me in quite possibly the cleanest it's been since I drove it off the showroom floor.  

I was stunned! What a great idea! Troy, an unassuming 40 year old with a mortgage and a can-do mentality, lost his business in 2008 like so many other people.  Instead of wallowing in his loss, he has created a lucrative business with minimal overhead except for the quarters in the machine, the interior cleaners he brings, and the money he pays his employees.   

As a Verbal, it never would have occured to me to set up shop in a self service car wash and clean other people's cars, heck I didn't want to even detail my own!  His friends told him he was crazy and to just go get a "real job".  Troy is a Physical and knew that if he was going to make that mortgage and pay for his son's college he had to play to his strengths.  As I watched them work it was obvious, he had hired Physicals as well.  They didn't speak much, just did their work quickly, paying close attention to detail. 

Physical people are big thinkers, not big talkers nor big listeners, but big thinkers. That's not to say that other proclivities can't have big ideas, but because Physicals aren't big talkers and not afraid of hard work, that they have ideas other people don't.    

As I paid for my $12.00 car wash, I was reminded that people really never have money problems, people have resourcefulness problems.  

Physicals are big thinkers, Verbals are big talkers, Audibles are big listeners and Visuals are big observers what about you?  In 2008, Troy's future seemed pretty bleak, but your future is not what you do tomorrow, your future is what you do today. What are you building today that you will have to live in tomorrow?

Do you agree that Physicals are big thinkers? Share why (or why not!) in the comments!

How Do You Show Up?

This morning I woke up early and did the one thing I promised myself I would do when I relocated to South Florida, I went to the beach and watched the sun come up.  There's something comforting about the beach for me and the waves crashing against the sand.  The simplicity and the complexity of it made me think about how much we miss in our daily lives and in our communication with one another.

 

Have you ever noticed that there are times in your life when communicating with your spouse or your child is effortless and then other times when simply saying good morning ends up in a battle of wits and words?  We always have a choice and yet sometimes it's tough not to feel powerless in the daily onslaught of our life's pressure.  

Wayne Dyer said that the ocean keeps kissing the sand no matter how many times the sand sends it away. There's a simplicity in that statement that reminds me that in all things the ebbs and flows are normal and necessary.  In business,  in relationships, and in communication the ebbs and flows are a natural progression to greatness.   

How we show up in our daily lives ultimately determines the quality of our lives. We can work through the ebbs and enjoy the flows or we can stop the flow because of the ebb. I know I have been guilty of both. What is it you are standing in the way of in your life? When you get home from work, do you greet the dog more lovingly than you do your spouse?  Is the morning commute with your child sacred and are you present in that moment? How are you showing up in the world?  Are you the ocean or the sand?

Networking: Flying Solo or Wingman in Tow?

Recently I participated in a lively discussion regarding networking.  Essentially the question posed was Should you have a "networking marketer" or in other words, should you bring a wingman to events to network with and for the benefit of you?

As a self proclaimed introvert living in an extrovert's body, my immediate response was YES! and somehow I thought that everyone else would agree.  Clearly this is not the case.  People wrote in and said noone can network for you and we've all heard over and over again the bar and the evening after-conference events are always where the real networking happens and that's all true.  However, what conferences remind me of is the first day of school in a new school.  When you're the new kid, you don't know who the cool kids are, you don't know if you'll like your new school, whether you'll make any friends at all and let's not forget the dreaded first lunch when you don't know who to sit with.  Conferences are like that for me.  I don't know anyone yet, I'm not sure I fit, and that first night down at the bar I'm not sure I even want to be there!   And then, just like in school someone flashes a welcoming smile, a few words and before you know it, you're having a wonderful time and you don't even really remember why you were so nervous.  At least that's what you hope will happen.  What if it doesn't?   What if you're all alone throughout the entire conference, no one ever talks to you, you make no connections, no friends and you sit night after night alone in the conference hotel bar waiting for someone to talk to you?  That's what you fear will happen isn't it?  But that really doesn't ever happen does it? 

Not if you're willing to be the first person to flash that welcoming smile, not if you're willing to sit next to a stranger in a break out session and make small talk, not if you're willing to put yourself out there, even just a little bit.  

When I started this blog, I started it with the intention of pointing out all the reasons that having a networking marketer was a great idea, but as I researched it and thought about it and reflected on my own conferences, I realize that perhaps having a networking marketer with you will only keep you from stretching, from stepping outside of your comfort zone and planting you firmly in the midst of massive vulnerability where true joy and satisfaction are born.  

So at your next conference, might I suggest going down to the bar, flashing a welcoming smile, and asking to join the group that's from your conference, they're just as nervous to be there as you are.  

The Borg Are Right! Resistence is Futile!

We as humans are resistant to change.  We fight it and then we embrace it until it becomes the new normal and then we fight the changing tide once again.   

                                        

This year I have launched another business, stepped on the platform as a Professional Speaker, stepped back (but not away) from one of our other businesses, put a child in college and moved to Florida.   All the change has been wonderful, necessary, and productive but to say it's been painless would be a lie. There are few inalineable truths in the world, but what I know for sure is when you let go you stop being tested.    Read that last sentence again.

How many times have you fought for or against something only to find that when you let go, the thing you were fighting was no longer even a blip on your radar? Resistance to change is futile, progress because of change is optional, growth through change is optimal.  When you get to the other side, stronger, better, and more prepared for the next chapter of your life that's where real magic happens.  When I find myself sitting down in the middle of the road and refusing to budge, I remember that resisting change is like trying to walk through the ocean. If I just relax, let myself float, and steer gently, I make greater strides with far less effort and enjoy the journey along the way.

Comment down below how are you resisting change in your life? Where can you let go and let the tide take you while you steer?

The 1 Thing Every Leader Must Do

Today I broke up a fight between two dogs at my best friend's house.  I've known these dogs for years and occasionally they decide to battle for top dog.  At my house, my husband and I are the undisputed pack leaders of our dogs; but at her house hers aren't always confident.  So whenever they have any type of change (and who doesn't) these two dogs for no obvious reason will attack eachother.  Dogs don't really care who's in charge, they just want to know that someone is.  If they fear that the pack leader position is available, they will launch a crusade to claim the spot. 

This got me to thinking about business environments.  Simon Sinek would say (and I agree) that in the military people are rewarded for sacrificing themselves and in corporate they are rewarded for sacrificing other people.   What is missing from the corporate battleground that encourages people to battle for top position?  Have you ever stopped to wonder what dynamics are really at play? Office politics are the direct result of poor leadership. Without strong pack leaders teams fall apart and fight for position sacrificing others and ultimately themselves.   As leaders we must stand in front of our teams in the face of threats and behind our teams in the face of success. Behind the closed boardroom doors, we can say what must be said and do what must be done, but when those doors swing open the person facing it on the outside should always be met with a united team that knows where they stand and is banded together working towards a common greater good.

Leadership isn't born with a title, are you the type of leader that will stand in front of and behind your team?